he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The beers last night were like the tears from god
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think my moral compass just broke
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
