I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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