Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
