so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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