So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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