we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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