summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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