I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
