dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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