Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
