I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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