you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
