oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
