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Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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