No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
