there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
40s are totally the cure
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
