i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
