If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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