"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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