You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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