wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
