just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
