So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
