and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
