My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
