i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
