It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize