youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
