So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
