three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
