Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
