Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
