so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize