First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
