I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg I joined a choir last night...
why is half of my head shaved?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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