I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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