Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
