I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
