I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
