I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
