i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
