she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
