I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
