i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
