There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
