my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
