Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
