I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
