how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did I show you my penis last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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