brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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