the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
well, you know. whores of a feather.