I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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