I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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