In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
