it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I didn't notice because vodka
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
