That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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