You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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