I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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