be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
