i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
