? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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