I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
