i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
