How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
