its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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