Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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