I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize