i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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