I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
