My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
