"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
