So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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