i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
