I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.