I hate all girls vehemently.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
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He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated