Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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(678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p

Replies (24) Good night (1683) Bad night (3985)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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(440): Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues. http://tfl.nu/5zyy

Replies (23) Good night (3639) Bad night (785)
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(631): View more from New York

I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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(631): I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms... http://tfl.nu/vz7o

Replies (27) Good night (1854) Bad night (2441)
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(647): View more from Ontario

if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.

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(647): if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are. http://tfl.nu/2i80

Replies (6) Good night (5135) Bad night (675)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.

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(336): They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up. http://tfl.nu/5b65

Replies (5) Good night (4274) Bad night (845)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

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(732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf

Replies (11) Good night (4911) Bad night (1297)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.

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(604): He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route. http://tfl.nu/lmqa

Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (4315)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.

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(205): I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030. http://tfl.nu/rrwq

Replies (6) Good night (2645) Bad night (956)
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(937): View more from Ohio

do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good

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(937): do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good http://tfl.nu/57yk

Replies (2) Good night (1570) Bad night (711)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

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(563): Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out. http://tfl.nu/o8je

Replies (4) Good night (1710) Bad night (686)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".

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(603): From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon". http://tfl.nu/l6av

Replies (7) Good night (1735) Bad night (1026)
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(434): View more from Virginia

do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?

(540): View more from Virginia

yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.

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(434): do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night? (540): yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you. http://tfl.nu/hqli

Replies (1) Good night (904) Bad night (532)
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(707): View more from California

He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.

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(707): He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro. http://tfl.nu/sp67

Replies (3) Good night (879) Bad night (361)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.

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(505): I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir. http://tfl.nu/2mq7

Replies (4) Good night (673) Bad night (375)
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(518): View more from New York

If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.

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(518): If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating. http://tfl.nu/6lgh

Replies (3) Good night (401) Bad night (197)

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