I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.