I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it