My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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