I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
