Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
