She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
