She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
