are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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